Seek, call, forsake and return - these early verbs which formed my Christian vocabulary during my spiritual infancy years - have stayed with me in my 42 years of journeying with Christ. They continue to mark the fact that I am always dependent on my Saviour and Father. I can never wean off this dependence. Nor should I ever try.
Though I know Him, I still seek Him daily. For wisdom in ever changing situations. For truth, as my heart is often deceptive and leads me in wrong directions.
Though I know by faith that He is near me, I still call out to Him. For at times, it feels as if He is far away. Even at times when I know He is near; when only a whisper will do; I still cry out. It may be fear or panic. I am only human. And yes, He is divine. I know He can never be deafened. And He will understand. He will not think me a coward.
At my baptism and many other altar calls, I have laid down my rights. For countless times, I have sung “I surrender all.” And yet it seems like I still cling on to some things, behavior patterns, irrational fears and so on. I may have forsaken but still need to forsake again. I have let go. But still, today and tomorrow and the day after, I need to keep letting go.
I am home. I know it. I should never need to return. But as we sing in the hymn Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing:
“Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love.”
And so, I return, and return and return again.
Each time, He abundantly pardons. His ways are higher than mine. He does not think the way humans do.
Thankfully.
Special note:
As a part of his Lent discipline, the Vicar has been writing meditations daily based on one of the lectionary readings of the day.
The meditations can be accessed from the SAC App's Lectionary Readings section. It is also posted at http://pastoralviews.blogspot.sg
For members who prefer hard copies, please contact Jowenna (jowenna@cathedral.org.sg, tel: 63376104 or leave a note at the welcome desk).
